Pray for me

[Bostoneo]

Well I got an email from her, man iam a stupid ass dumb shit. I never realized I was doing all these things that pushed her away from me. With all the time to reflect, ive began to wonder if these things were why she left, and she just confirmed it. I have no idea how to repair this situation, or if she is even willing to give us another chance. A large % of this issue is me, of course, it takes two to allow many issues to fester like this for so long. I can only hope to get back this wonderful woman I once had...

FML iam such a retard

 

[Dran]

@Bostoneo, That is a dangerous path that I went down myself when I got divorced. This is not a Gauruntee that this is the game your wife is playing, just a cautionary tale of a man who was led to believe he was worthless and the soul reason for things not working out. My ex had a laundry list of wrongs I had done, shoved them down my throat on a daily basis for months on end, leading me on that there was hope of working things out. She had me believing I was Satan incarnate. The list ranged from not being a good provider, to not spending enough time with her. Not being there for my son, not supporting them emotionally. You name it... I didnt do it right. After about 6 months of this, I found out that she had been sneaking around with someone I had once considered a friend. Stringing me along the whole time using me for financial suppkrt of their budding love. Once I was aware of what was happening, I took a month long trip to MA to distance myself from the problem and think things through. 1 week and a half in she calls me asking when i was coming back, the electric bill needed to be paid. I told her that maybe her "real man" could pay it, since he's been staying there and i already paid the rent 2 months ahead. She lost it and hung up. Called me back a few days later and said she had reported me as abondoning her and my son, and tgat I was no longer welcome in their lives. So, I did the only logical thing and moved on. Planted roots in MA and began the long pricess of getting custody of my son, job, house, new girl(now my wife of 5 years!). But, at the time i thought my life was over and i was worthless... Now im "friends" with her for the sheer joy of watching her life crumble more and more every day, and hope to outlive her so that i can fulfill my life goal of shitting on her grave!!! MAYBE she has moved on, and just wants to make you feel worthless. Maybe she has moved on and just wants to give a you tge courtesy of a reason for her departure, HOPEFULLY, this is her reaching out to try to repair things! I'm not trying to scare you off by oversharing my life experience with you, just giving you the perspective of one highly twisted female specimen. If she wants to work on things, these issues can be addressed, but if she only seems interested in telling you how horrible you are, and doesnt want to actually listen to your side of things and move on from this, dont let her mindfuck you into thinking you're less than you know you are!!

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[admartinct]

I'm sorry to hear this man.

Mind you, I'm not married yet, but from my life experiences I believe you said it correctly right here:

it takes two to allow many issues to fester like this for so long.

You both hold a responsibility to each other and that includes expressing your feelings and reservations about the others actions, etc. to resolve the issues and move forward. Keeping pent up emotions is poisonous.

I hope you both find common ground and can mend what you have together.

 

[Tyler86]

Well I got an email from her, man iam a stupid ass dumb shit. I never realized I was doing all these things that pushed her away from me. With all the time to reflect, ive began to wonder if these things were why she left, and she just confirmed it. I have no idea how to repair this situation, or if she is even willing to give us another chance. A large % of this issue is me, of course, it takes two to allow many issues to fester like this for so long. I can only hope to get back this wonderful woman I once had...

FML iam such a retard

Well......First off, it takes a strong man to admit his failings, and even stronger one to fix them. Just don't let her brainwash you, not saying she is.
Second of all, yours failings nor hers, justify just walking out with out any previous attempt at repairing broken aspects of your relationship. That's BS and in my opinion is a very BAD SIGN.

Just my .02


Stupid Tapatalk

 

[csk415]

I'm sorry to hear this man.

Mind you, I'm not married yet, but from my life experiences I believe you said it correctly right here:



You both hold a responsibility to each other and that includes expressing your feelings and reservations about the others actions, etc. to resolve the issues and move forward. Keeping pent up emotions is poisonous.

I hope you both find common ground and can mend what you have together.

As a married man I agree with what you said.

I hope it works out for you both Jon.

 

[Eo80]

Well, since we are sharing, here goes...
My ex and i were together for 9 years. Everything was great, so i thought. New kid, new house and a good job. I had worked late evenings our entire relationship. Spent every weekend with her and her family as much as i didnt really want to.
Eventually i got a strange feeling that things were not great. Long story short, i found out she had been cheating for 9 months. I took the blame that she gave me for not being home for her at night and we "worked through it" i took a job and commute i hated to be home at night. One year later i find out she had never stopped seeing the other guy. Vacation time to sleep around so as not to show pay discrepencies.
In the end, it was not my problems, it was hers. Took a long time to figure that out. Not saying this is your case, but again a tale of female deciet. I do not know your situation, and it is none of my business, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Perhaps you both need this and you will be stronger for it. Do not give up. I know its not easy, and hindsight and all... but you will survive my friend.
Again, lean on us, we will hold you up! You are our BROTHER.

 

[Bostoneo]

How often do you fellows go out to hang out at a cigar shop or with friends? My schedule is usually Wednesday’s I goto the shop for movie night until about 11:30pm. Then on weekends, if I have no plans, i typically will go 4-6hrs during the morning/afternoon. (Sat 11-4 or 5, Sunday 12-4/5). Do you think I spend too much time away?

I really do enjoy time with my fellow local cigar friends. But am I truly lacking spending time with my significant other? I believe spending some time apart is a good thing, so we appreciate our time together better and don’t get on each other’s nerves.

This was just one of many issues that was mentioned. After 10 years, I’ve just felt exhausted making all the plans. Or am I just selfish?


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[Bostoneo]

How do you fellows keep your wife engaged? Everytime it seems I ask my wife what she wants to do, it’s... i don’t know..,after 10 years of being together it’s like... I just want to know what you want to do. I’m typically open to anything but things that require skates under my feet. I want to make her happy, that’s my priority, but is hard when I don’t get feedback.

I was used to taking charge before, however it seems that it’s just mainly eating out at new places.


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[WNYTony]

Whether or not it is too much time away depends somewhat on what she does while you're out at the shop. If she's just sitting home watching TV it will certainly seem to her that you're away too much. If she's hanging with friends or taking a class - whole different outlook. I usually only go when the wife has plans with friends because although we may not be doing anything but both watching TV is different rooms - I'll probably hear about it if I do.
Remember though that you asked for reasons so she has given you some. From what you said she didn't discuss them before and doesn't want to go to counseling to discuss them now so it may just be that - a list of reasons. Doesn't sound like she's taken any responsibility for anything, but there are two people in the relationship.....

Just my 2 cents but been there, done that. Spent 10 years with the first one, left when she told me she didn't think she wanted to be married any more and then went back to try when she said she'd made a mistake. Insisted that we do the counseling and she went to a few but ultimately she didn't want to or try to make it work.
It's not all on you bud - she's gotta be willing to meet you halfway and right now it doesn't sound like she's there.

My advice is don't do anything emotional or crazy. No yelling, begging or agreeing to be the only one changing. Give her time to miss what you guys had and see if she comes around - absence makes the heart remember. Just don't rush things and don't burn any bridges. It really sucks to go thru it though. We're here for you.

 

[GoBISON]

Sorry to hear this news John. Hoping for the best outcome for all of you!

 

[Eo80]

The lounge/time apart question is a tricky one. It is all dependent on the type of woman you have. My ex, any time apart for me to do what i wanted was too much. My current wife actually is very suportive. She does not like to go out and do things. Her idea of a good night is laying in bed playing games on her phone and turning in early. She understands that i get bored easily so she encourages me to go out and smoke one almost every night. And then she takes a nap during the day on weekends, so that again is smoke time for me.
Its all relative.

 

[JG358]

Well I got an email from her, man iam a stupid ass dumb shit. I never realized I was doing all these things that pushed her away from me. With all the time to reflect, ive began to wonder if these things were why she left, and she just confirmed it. I have no idea how to repair this situation, or if she is even willing to give us another chance. A large % of this issue is me, of course, it takes two to allow many issues to fester like this for so long. I can only hope to get back this wonderful woman I once had...

FML iam such a retard

Damn, Reading through this is like reading my own story the last week or so (well years really but unknowingly). I hope everything works out for you brother.