B, I'm surprised you didn't say " I'm not a proctologist , but I'll take a look." After you give him a thorough exam, get really angry and yell "now sit your ass down and give me a solid." Make him think you are more crazy and dangerous than he is. When he's pushin real hard, take a white Don Carlos Personal Reserve white glove and repeatedly slap him across his face. When you are done he will avoid you and never confide in you again.